Whats wrong with me ?

You sound EXACTLY like one of my friends. She's now thirty and stopped cutting a year ago. She had been cutting herself for about 15 years. Her arms are now covered with bright purple scars that will never go. From your description of your "episodes" it sounds like you might have what she has - Bipolar Disorder. I would very strongly reccommend going to your Doctor and being completely honest. Tell them about your feelings and cutting. They can prescribe you medicate and offer you NHS referral for counselling.